Hello, Again.

Hi, again... I recently picked up my pen to do some journaling after what felt like forever. One of the things that I wrote down was that I didn't know what I even wanted to say but that I figured something was better than nothing. I've done some writing for this blog over the past couple months and yet, with several drafts saved, I still couldn't figure out what I wanted to put out there for those of you who read what I post. It's been hard for me to focus on any one of the many emotions I've been feeling and I think that's what caused what some would call "writers block". Life is funny in that way though... isn't it? When you have what seems like a million thoughts and emotions running through your mind and soul; that's when the words, for whatever reason, don't come together.

As I've shared before, my life hasn't been a superbly easy one. I've survived many traumas and have had to pick up the pieces of what felt like a broken life more times than I care to count (like most of us have). Loneliness, depression, and anxiety have overtaken me time and time again but I live to tell the story and each day I make the choice to keep on living so that I can reap the benefits of all the tears I've released. I am grateful for the privileges I've had and I won't for a moment discredit or take them for granted but if I'm being honest, in the lowest of times, those advantages sometimes seem farther than I can reach.

My aim with this blog and every piece that I publish is to give my readers a window into my life by being transparent, in hopes that I can offer encouragement to someone... anyone. I started writing this in May of 2021, Mental Health Awareness Month. I felt that it would be remiss of me to not share some of my experience with you. It's ironic though because the fact that I started this in May and it is now January of the following year, is the perfect display of what a person who struggles with mental health goes through. It has literally been 8 months since this piece's conception and I'm just now finishing it. HELLO MENTAL HEALTH! 

Here's how we got here. Suddenly, May was ending and I couldn't find the words to complete this (we all have calendars and know month's don't REALLY 'suddenly' do anything... but go with me). I figured, maybe this one wasn't meant to be released and so I just let it sit with the rest of my drafts. I knew there was something telling me that I needed to start writing when I began this, and I'm glad I did because following that urge led me to get half of this piece done but the truth behind why I didn't finish it had nothing to do with May being shorter than I anticipated (mainly because May is the same length every year... again, go with me 😉). It had everything to do with the fact that I was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I just wasn't in a place to finish anything.

My mind struggled with the knowledge that I, on any given day, have so much to be grateful for but what I couldn't seem to hold on to was the infinite power that those things actually held. My faith, my community, my purpose... all hold a supernatural distinction that affords me the opportunity to overcome any overwhelming thought or emotion. What was required of me wasn't an unnatural surge of energy to rise above what I was going through but rather a grace to allow myself to sink into the exact place that I was in and find peace in what God had already given me. When all the "things" of life seemed to be stripped from me, I still had me. I still had the gifts that were placed within me. I still had my passions. I still had my family, those that I was born with and those that I chose. All I had to do was be. And in those times what my mind tried to convince me of was that I had to try and perform to meet my potential, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth. The beautiful reality is that everything that I needed, was already in me. Nothing more was required of me than to exist and give myself room to breathe.

Holding on to my dreams, my goals, my loved ones, and my passions gave me the strength I needed to persevere and eventually finish writing this piece. So... Hello, Again. Hello to the things that I thought demanded the best of me, but will only ever need my attendance. Hello to my artistry. Hello to my loved ones. Hello "A Day with Chessi Rae". It's good to be back.

Family, if there's one thing I can leave you with it's this: Find the things that are beautiful beyond comparison in your life and grasp them with everything that you have. Don't ever let them go, and when life gets overwhelming, be with them. They hold more power than you may ever know.

With Love,

Chessi Rae